Part 3:The Final Part. Chapters 9- End

Chapter 9: More Information

“So let me ask you” Zaheer said. “Have you heard anything about Zahraa from high school, I mean I know she’s friends with your sister or something right?”

“Ja. Miriam speaks about her now and again” Ahmed replied. “They hang out with each other too.”

Zaheer continued probing him: “So how is she, do you ever see her?”

“Not really man” answered Ahmed “its not like she hangs out at my house or anything. I just hear about her now and again but I’m not all that interested so I guess I never really listened. Why are you asking anyway?”

Zaheer was silent for a while before replying: “I was just wondering about her, haven’t heard about her for a while now.”

Zaheer and a few other guys were spending the afternoon with Ahmed. He was getting married in a few days time and had called the guys together for a ‘guys afternoon’. The other guys had disappeared for a while and Zaheer had taken the opportunity to question Ahmed about Zahraa. He thought that maybe, being Miriam’s brother, Ahmed would have some good information.

Suddenly realization dawned upon Ahmed. “Oh ja” he said to Zaheer. “I remember now, you two had something going on there for a while right? Whatever happened there, you never did say.”

Zaheer replied reluctantly: “It’s a long story and I wont bore you with the details.”

But Ahmed wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily and insisted that he tell him. “Come on man, he said; “If its too long and complicated, give me the shorter version.”

Zaheer thought about it for a while. “Well,” he began “The truth is that she was probably too good for me. Everything she was, I think I just didn’t measure up. She was a dream that never could come true. And in the end, to tell you the truth, she wanted more than I could give her.”

“What do you mean” insisted Ahmed. “What did she want?”

“I’m not sure” replied Zaheer. “You know how women are, they really difficult to figure out. We were chatting with each other and having a great time and then all of a sudden she ups and leaves and tells me that she can’t do it anymore because its wrong. Okay fine, I get that, I mean I know she was better than me in so many ways and probably holier than me too. I don’t hold that against her, I admired her for it.”

“So?” asked Ahmed, clearly very interested in the story.

“Well so I respected her wishes. Obviously if she didn’t want to talk to me because she thought she was doing something wrong, then obviously I had to do what she said right, I had no other choice. I asked her if we could just slow things down you know, not chat and stuff so much, but she said that that wouldn’t happen.”

“The thing is” Zaheer continued “after a while I kept on thinking about what she said and I thought about how marriage might be a solution. But seriously man, I wasn’t ready for marriage. I hated losing her, but I didn’t feel like I could marry her either.”

“So what are you thinking now?” asked Ahmed.

“Well now” replied Zaheer “I’m thinking that if I had a choice between marrying her or losing her forever, I’d probably choose marriage.

“What’s so wrong with marriage anyway?” asked Ahmed.

“Nothing” replied Zaheer. “Its just that at that time I didn’t even have a steady job. I couldn’t even think of marriage you know? I was still just a kid.

“So where to now?” asked Ahmed. “What do you think can happen now?”

“I don’t know” replied Zaheer. “I really don’t know, I haven’t spoken to her since all of that went down and I don’t even know what’s been happening with her.”

“Ok man, I’ll do you a favour and try to find out from Miriam what she’s been up to. I’ll let you know.”

Just then all the rest of the guys returned and Zaheer and Ahmed’s conversation suddenly ended. Determined to enjoy the day out with the guys, Zaheer pushed all the thought of Zahraa aside for the rest of the afternoon.

Later that night Zaheer’s phoned beeped with an incoming message from Ahmed.

Spoke to Miriam about your girl. Not good news. Will speak.

Zaheer’s face dropped. What could ‘not good news’ mean? He couldn’t contain his curiosity and quickly dialled Ahmed’s number.

“What do you mean?” he asked Ahmed. “What did you find out?”

“Well” replied Ahmed. “Conveniently enough the subject came up earlier when Miriam and I were talking about my wedding. She invited Zahraa you know, so I guess you’ll see her there. I don’t know if you’ll want to though. Miriam told me that Zahraa’s got some guy, some proposal or something like that. His name is something with an H or something, forgot now. She said that Zahraa really likes him and that she’ll probably end up marrying him too.”

Ahmed was silent for a while, Zaheer was too.

“Sorry man, I hate to break it to you like this, who knows right, maybe Miriam is exaggerating about it all. You know how girls are.”

“Yeah, thanks man,” Zaheer replied “I asked right, you did me a favour. I suppose I never did expect her to be waiting around for me right? She was too good for me anyway.”

He thanked Ahmed for taking the effort to find out, assured him that he was ok with it all and calmy changed the subject.

But okay Zaheer was not and, for the rest of the night, he lay slumped on his bed in his lonely dark room with his lonely sad thoughts.

 

Chapter 10: A change of Mind

“Oh come on Zahraa, you really can’t ditch me like this. You haave to go!”

Zahraa, who had been increasingly dreading Miriam’s brother’s wedding, had called Miriam to inform her that she really didn’t want to go.

She had found some excuse about how tired she was and how much work she had to prepare for the following week. Unfortunately for her, Miriam knew her all too well.

“Don’t give me that!” Miriam had told her candidly. “You never stress out about work, you never have ‘too much work’ usually and you never usually let me down.”

“Come on Zahraa” Miriam continued. “I know why you don’t want to go, and you really don’t have to worry. You might not even see him there, so will you please just come?”

Over the past few weeks Zahraa had tried hard to convince herself that everything would be fine. She imagined that on seeing Zaheer she would be able to handle it. Her emotions took her through a series of daydreams in which she interacted with Zaheer in different ways. Sometimes she’d imagine herself telling him off, being honest with him and explaining how much he had truly hurt her. She would imagine that she'd tell him how he never truly cared for her and how, if he ever had cared he would never have let her go. Other times she’d imagine acting cool, pretending as if he didn’t really matter all that much. She’d imagine talking to him normally, as if nothing had ever transpired between them. A part of her was actually excited to see him, assuring herself that she wouldn’t let anything bother her.

But after she had received his email (to which she still had not replied) all her courage and bravado was washed away. Now she knew for sure that, in the event of seeing him, she had no idea how to react. It was at this point that she had decided that she could not possibly bear to see him and so she tried to make excuses to work her way out of the impending wedding.

“Please Zahraa, you have to come” Miriam continued. “Hafsah is already not going to be there. And I promise, if you guys leave me alone with all my aunts then I might just be the one who ends up getting married. I mean really, if I have to listen to one more conversation about how I better start shaping up in order to get married, I might just explode. And you really don’t want my blood on your hands, now do you?”

“Oh please” Zahraa replied laughing “don’t you think you being slightly over dramatic? They can’t really be all that bad, they just care for you that’s all.”

“Oh sure” Miriam replied with a snort. You know what one of them told me yesterday? She told me that I must start acting like a lady, and that I must begin keeping my opinions to myself because I’m getting older and I might miss the opportunity to get married. And as if that was not enough she went on about how men don’t age and how they never have a problem finding wives, and how I should start getting wiser!”

Zahraa could sense Miriam’s extreme frustration, but her reluctance in seeing Zaheer was still getting the better of her.

“Please Zahraa” Miriam begged sincerely. “I really need you there, apart from the aunties, you know Ahmed and I are close and I really think I'm gonna be kinda sad. I need your support. Please, its just one night.”

Zahraa was forced to give in.

“Fine” she said reluctantly, “I’ll go.”

It sounded as If Miriam actually clapped.

“Thanks Zah, I really appreciate it. I love you for this you know?”

“Well you better!” Zahraa replied sarcastically.

“I don’t even know what I'm freaking out about anyway” she continued. “He probably wont even notice me there anyway, right...?”

“Well...” Miriam replied reluctantly. “Who knows, he might.” Then as an afterthought she continued: “Hey, promise you won’t bail out on me if I tell you something.”

“Promise” Zahraa replied.

Miriam continued: “I think that Zaheer might have asked Ahmed about you, I'm not sure though. I mean he went out yesterday morning and said that he was hanging out with the guys, and I know that he often hangs out with Zaheer. Then when he came home, I mentioned something about the wedding and you or something and he showed a curious interest in you. When I asked him why he wanted to know, he just muttered something about how he was just asking.”

“So maybe he was just asking” Zahraa responded.

“Oh no,” Miriam replied with a laugh. “I know my brother, he never ‘just asks’. And these days his head is so far up in the clouds, I know that he would only ask about you for a specific reason you know.”

“So what did you tell him?” Zahraa asked.

“Well, I told him the truth. I told him that you busy with a proposal and, because I suspected that he was asking on behalf of someone else, I told him that you’re happy.”

“Thanks Miriam” Zahraa replied gratefully.

“No problem” Miriam replied obligingly.

Zahraa promised to meet up with Miriam the next day, and they said their goodbyes.

Later that night Zahraa thought about all that happened. She was so confused. Zaheer obviously didn’t care about her, so why was he asking about her now? Or maybe, she thought, Miriam was reading too much into it all. She considered replying to Zaheer’s email, but thought better of it. In the end she made a silent dua, asking Allah to give her strength and courage and to make all her matters easy for her. She knew deep down in her heart that Allah would always be by her side. She braced herself for the wedding and all that was still to come.

 

Chapter 11: The Wedding

For a small wedding, it had turned out to be quite a spectacular event. It had also turned out to be quite replete with drama. Traditionally, in their society, the wedding party was thrown by the brides family, while the waleemah was given by the groom. Ahmed and his bride, Aadila, had however decided to abandon cultural traditions. They had insisted that they only wanted the compulsory nikah, and the Sunnah waleema. For this reason the families had decided to hold the function together.

The morning started with a hysterical bride. Aadila had insisted that she wanted to keep things as simple as possible but her mother had gone out of the way to turn the small garden into a breathtaking sight. Aadila kept crying, insisting that this was not how she wanted it. In the end her mother had won, and she had to give in to all the decorations and fanciness that her family had prepared.

Zahraa had to admit that the venue was truly beautiful. Nobody would have imagined that this was an ordinary garden. The tables were decked with elegant cloths and the floors were streamed with the most beautiful petals. The nearby trees and leaves were spray painted gold and the garden flowers were perfectly manicured. The families had even hired a marquee that was perfectly placed around the set garden. The place looked stunning.

Aadila and Ahmed both had to contain their frustration. They had insisted on a small private wedding for the simple reason that they didn’t want it to be extravagant. After a while their parents had eventually given in. Yet now, even though they had managed to convince their families to throw the waleemah in a backyard, the families had still managed to turn it into a spectacular extravaganza.

Zahraa had arrived earlier, before the waleemah actually began, in order to help Miriam’s family with the food and serving. She wore a sleek and stylish elegant long black dress with a long scarf draped around her shoulders. The blue in her dress complimented the blue scarf that she draped around her head. Though she tried her utmost to remain calm, she contemplated Zaheer throughout the day.

Zaheer, not bothered by what he would wear, went to his wardrobe five minutes before he left and hastily threw together an outfit. He opted to wear one of his fancier kurtas for this small and intimate gathering. He threw it over quickly, before heading out the door.

He had spent the morning contemplating how he would deal with Zahraa. What would he say to her? How would he react? He hadn’t really thought that Zahraa would actually wait around for him to get his act together, but somehow he never imagined her ending up with anyone other than him. He was disappointed, yet he knew that all of this was inevitable. Of course Zahraa would have to get married, he kept on telling himself. In the end he had just decided that he would simply wing it. He would simply, he told himself, deal with Zahraa if and when he saw her. It was really no use worrying over it now!

The nikkah was performed, before Zohr, at the Masjid closest to Aadila’s house. The waleemah began a few hours after the nikkah had ended.

Everybody unanimously agreed that the function was truly beautiful. From the families little talks, to the joy and happiness of the bride and groom; from the beautiful intimate affair that it was, to the stunning and superb decor; everybody seemed to be having a truly wonderful time. For the most part, Zahraa remained busy- helping Miriam and her family with whatever she could. It was only after a long while that she actually managed to grab a seat, and prepared to have something to eat.

The crowd of people were all gathered near the bride and groom in the front, so Zahraa made her way to one of the empty back tables in order to eat in peace.

In the meantime, Zaheer had been spending the past few hours amidst the crowds of people and he had had just about enough. He didn’t have anything against anybody, but the noise and buzz of the constant chatter permeated his mind and he decided to find a spot where he could be free from the surrounding people. Just then he spotted Zahraa, only a few tables away from the direction in which he was headed. He was about to turn around and walk away, avoiding her and the inevitable confrontation that would follow. But somehow, as if his legs had a life of their own, he continued walking until he found himself right by her table.

Zahraa hadn’t seen him approaching. She had just finished eating, and was waiting for Miriam to come and join her. She was preoccupied by her thoughts; wondering whether her joy for Miriam’s brother and the happiness he now felt, over weighed her sadness for the fact that she too longed to feel that very happiness. It was only after Zaheer actually sat down across her that she noticed his arrival.

 

Chapter 12: The Conversation

“So how are you Zahraa?” he asked casually. His heart was racing at an unbelievable pace; he wondered if she could hear how his voice just trembled.

He could see that she was taken by surprise. 'She didn’t see me coming', he thought to himself.

Despite her surprise however she managed, as always, to maintain her composure. Gracefully she answered:

“I’m fine Zaheer, I’m doing well. How are you?”

“Well I’m good too.” He replied coolly.

For a short while they just looked at each other. Zaheer had no words to describe what he was feeling and he had no idea what to say to Zahraa. He wondered if she felt the same way.

Zahraa was the first to break the silence: “So what are you doing now?” she asked. “Where do you work?”

Somehow Zaheer was really not in the mood for chit chat, not with Zahraa anyway. Not wanting to seem rude, however, he answered: “Oh, just at some computer firm nearby. What about you? You’re still at the newspaper?”

“Yip” Zahraa replied.

Zaheer thought that it was strange. It was as if they had nothing to speak about, nothing to say to each other. He plucked up the courage and brought up the subject.

“So” he said to her. “I heard that you getting married. I don’t suppose I know the guy.”

“No” Zahraa replied softly, “he’s not from nearby.” Then as an afterthought she continued. “His name is Haarith and he’s sweet, but I’m not getting married to him. Not yet anyway; we’re still getting to know each other.”

Zaheer could sense her discomfort. He knew exactly how she felt since he felt the same way. Zahraa had always been so easy to talk to; they had always had a thousand things to say to each other. But now, sitting here, he just felt incredibly uncomfortable.

As a way of making conversation Zahraa continued to talk.

“What about you Zaheer?” she asked. “Are you getting married anytime soon?”

“No” he replied flatly.

And then, silence again.

That was it, Zaheer couldn’t take it anymore. He had imagined saying so many things to her. He had imagined telling her all he felt. But now, instead, all there was was silence. He was about to get up and make some excuse for having to leave, he suspected that Zahraa too would be relieved. But then suddenly a frightening thought struck him. What if this was it? What if this was how it all ended? Didn’t Zahraa just imply, minutes ago, that things between the guy and her were not yet confirmed? If he ever still had a chance, wasn’t it now?

But somehow he just couldn’t do it. Somehow his words failed him, his strength failed him, his courage failed him. He looked at Zahraa, fidgeting uncomfortably with her fingernails, and decided to just let go. What else could he do?

For a moment it seemed as if Zahraa actually looked at him pleadingly. As if she desperately wanted him to say something to her. But try as he may, Zaheer only manged to spurt out short and insignificant sentences.

“So I guess you’re enjoying the wedding.” He asked her.

Though his heart was silently breaking, though it ached to proudly affirm his love for her, his words somehow masked his pain as he continued making meaningless conversation.

“Well, it’s really beautiful.” Zahraa replied.

It seemed to him as if she was actually disappointed, though he couldn’t imagine why.

“So I take it you’re well then?” Zahraa asked. Her turn for mandatory banter.

“Im fine” was Zaheer’s short reply.

Zaheer sensed that Zahraa could no longer handle it, especially since he felt the same way. She rose to leave, making up some excuse about going to help inside with the dishes. Zaheer didn’t blame her. He would have left along time ago since sitting here was just pure torture; but it was a kind of torture that he didn’t want to end since he knew that the silence and the distance between them that would inevitably follow would undoubtedly be worse. So he sat there, hoping that this had all been different, but dreading when there would be nothing left at all.

Before she left, Zahraa stood close to him and said her parting words.

“I hope I’ll see you around soon Zaheer” she said kindly, though he knew that she didn’t really.

“Take care of yourself ok.”

Zaheer’s words failed him yet again. All he could mutter was: “Likewise.”

And then she left.

And then he was alone.

 

Chapter 13: The Aftermath

“I'm such an idiot!” Zahraa sobbed hysterically . “I mean a part of me thought that when we saw each other again everything would just automatically fix itself.” How stupid can I be?”

After her conversation with Zaheer, Zahraa had managed to stoically maintain her composure. Miriam had seen the two of them talking and was curious to know what had happened. But Zahraa, afraid of her emotions getting in the way, had brushed it off evasively. She had spent the rest of the day juggling as much tasks as she possibly could, just to keep her mind occupied. When Miriam had insisted that she stop working and just enjoy the waleemah, Zahraa insisted that she didn’t want to. The truth was that she was afraid of silence and peace right now. She needed to keep moving, to keep doing, lest she find the time to actually digest all that had just happened with Zaheer.

It was in the stationary car with Miriam, after the waleema, that she finally succumbed to her emotions and broke down.

“What have I done?” Zahraa said, blowing her nose. “I mean I’m the one who ended it, right? So it’s all my fault, isn’t it?” As she said this her tears streamed uncontrollably down her cheeks.

“Listen” Miriam said, trying to be the voice of reason. “You did what was right. Don’t doubt yourself. You feared Allah enough to end it with someone you really cared for. What other alternative did you have?”

“I could have controlled it” Zahraa cried. “I could have just had enough self control. We could have made it work. And now he’s gone forever and it’s all because of my stupidity.”

“How could you have made it work?” Miriam asked, trying her best to console her. “You know as well as I do that these things are impossible to control. You know how you feel in those situations Zahraa, affection, attraction, arousal- it’s all like a drug that we so easily get addicted to. You just want more; you don’t even stop to think about the consequences.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t need to end it completely Miriam” Zahraa said. “I'm sure there must have been another way.”

“Well” Miriam continued encouragingly “At the time, in your case, there wasn’t another option. Yeah, it would have been great if Prince Charming swooped in and married you. Then you could have had it all. But that didn’t happen, and that wasn’t you fault. So stop acting as if you did something wrong. You didn’t!”

Zahraa remained silent, wiping her tears away.

“You have to believe me” Miriam continued “You’re an inspiration for us all, so please don’t even question all your beliefs.”

Zahraa actually giggled: “An inspiration” she said mockingly, half crying half laughing. “Come on Miriam thats taking it a bit far.”

“No I'm serious” Miriam replied laughing: “Do you remember a couple of months ago there was a guy that I was In to?”

“Yes” Zahraa replied. “I remember, that guy from work right?”

“Yip, that same one.” Miriam replied. “He was all sweet and stuff and I really liked him too, but after a while he wanted to get too physical, you know what I mean right? so well, I ended it. And listen Zah, though I never told you before, I have you to thank for that.”

“Great!” Zahraa said sarcastically. “another person lonely and miserable because of me!”

“Stop it!” Miriam shouted playfully. “I'm not joking. I admire you. Sure, I liked the guy. But I kept on thinking about you. If you could let go of Zaheer, who you liked so much, because you feared doing something wrong, then how weak must I have been to continue things with this guy? That thought gave me strength. If you could do it then I could do it.”

Clearly emotional, Zahraa started sobbing again.

No need for words or arguments, this time Miriam just remained silent.

After a while Zahraa stopped crying, reached for a tissue and wiped her face. “I guess its just that at times like this I just question myself.” Zahraa said. “I mean it’s not like he dumped me for someone else you know. If he did then I think I would have just moved on with life. And even though I always blamed him, I always really understood why he didn’t wanna propose. I get it, really. It was just so much easier to blame him. But I guess that there’s really nobody to blame, is there?”

“I guess not”, Miriam replied sadly.

“And I guess” Zahraa continued “that its just sad because I just realized the distance between us. Its like tonight, for the first time, I realized that we’re actually apart. Somehow that was just so shocking, and so sad.”

“You know Zahraa” Miriam said: “You’ll only end up with who you were meant to end up with. Maybe Zaheer and you were just not meant to be together. Sometimes in life people go out with each other for years, doing all sort of crazy bad stuff, and then they still don’t end up getting married. So maybe you and Zaheer were never meant to be together after all. At least you can console yourself with the knowledge that you stayed away from all that stuff because you feared Allah more. If you guys were meant to be together, it would have happened. He would have proposed, you would have said yes and that would have been the end. I think that you should feel happy, because Allah knows what you went through and Allah will not only reward you for it, but will still give you what’s best for you. You never forgot Allah, and insha Allah Allah wont forget about you!”

Zahraa remained silent. But after a short while she said: “Thanks Miriam, that helps alot.”

After that Zahraa’s mood improved dramatically. “Its getting late Miriam” she said. “Maybe we should head home now.”

On their way home Zahraa suddenly said: “By the way, I really don’t think it’ll work with Haarith. I mean clearly I still have unresolved issues and feelings and stuff with Zaheer right? After tonight, I just don’t have the stomach for all of that with Haarith you know? Besides, it wouldn’t be fair on him right now.”

“Are you sure?” Miriam asked.

“I think so.” Zahraa replied. “He’s really great, but I just really cant picture myself marrying him right now. And I think it’ll be better to end it now, in the beginning stages. And well, I’ll just make dua and ask Allah for guidance right?”

“It’ll all be fine.” Miriam said.

“Insha Allah!” Zahraa replied. “I really hope so!”

 

Chapter 14: Discussion and Deliberation

It was a day after Ahmed’s waleemah, and Zaheer was still at a loss for words. As soon as his encounter with Zahraa had ended, he had contemplated fixing it. When he got home he went straight to his computer with the hope of sending her email that might fix everything. But he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know where to begin. Instead he ended up sulking, spending hours just lying on his bed and staring at his ceiling.

Now a day later Zaheer, afraid that the ceiling pattern would be imprinted in his mind forever, decided that he needed to stop sulking. So he got up, left his room and roamed about the house. He didn’t really know what to do. He was in no mood to leave the house and still recovering from yesterday’s events. He went to sit in the lounge where his father was reading a book.

No sooner had his son sat down that Imraan closed his book and looked at him enquiringly. “What’s wrong?” Imraan asked.

“Nothing.” Replied Zaheer evasively.

Imraan was silent for a moment. He looked carefully at Zaheer and said: “Come on, tell me what your problem is. Your mother and I can both see that something is going on.”

Zaheer, whether too exhausted to pretend as if everything was alright, suddenly started speaking. Not one to share so much information with his parents, Zaheer surprised even himself.

He told his father about everything that happened with Zahraa over the past few years. He told her how much he cared for her. He explained how Zahraa had ended things and how out of touch they had become, and then further explained all that had happened yesterday.

Imraan listened intently to all that Zaheer said.

When Zaheer had finally finished Imraan just looked at him without saying anything.

“So what should I do now?” asked Zaheer.

Imraan remained silent. Then he slowly and methodically he began: “well son, I can see that all this is bothering you, but I really don’t see the problem here.”

“What do you mean?” asked Zaheer astonishingly. “weren’t you listening to me?”

“Oh I was listening.” Replied Imraan. “I just cannot see what the problem is. It all comes down to a simple question really; do you care enough about this girl to marry her, yes or no?

Zaheer hesitated for a short while, contemplating how best to illustrate his feelings and concerns. “Yes, I really care about her.” Zaheer answered “But that was never the problem. The problem was always that we were too young, and well, marriage was a problem for me.

Imraan shook his head slowly: “No no son” he said: “Marriage is never a problem in Islam, instead marriage is the solution to the problems. What are you so afraid of anyway?”

Zaheer thought about it for a while before answering: “How can I be a good husband?” he asked. “I mean look at me, I'm not ready. I mean a couple of weeks ago I thought I might lose my job. I cant even take care of myself, how can I take care of her?”

Imraan grinned a soft grin and gently shook his head again. “What is wrong with you youngsters today” he jokingly teased. “Sometimes I think you all go out looking for drama! Why are you all always complicating matters? It’s so simple, let me explain.”

Imraan sat forward, clearly concentrating now, ensured that he had his son’s full attention,and then began explaining.

“You see” he explained. “Provision comes from Allah. doesn’t Allah tell us that Allah is the provider? So we need to always remember that Allah has our provision sorted out. Furthermore we just need to ensure that we are obeying Allah, and that we are satisfied and grateful for the provision that Allah has granted for us.” Imraan paused for a moment before continuing. “Let me tell you a little story. When your mother and I just got married, we lived next to a sweet old lady. This lady had 2 sons. One of the sons were rich and the other one was poor. Each day the poor son would come and visit his mother. He would bring for her groceries and presents. He would take her shopping whenever she needed. Often she would tell us all about how good he was and how happy he made her feel. Now keep in mind that this was the poor son. He didn’t have that much to spare- but he always took care of his mother. As for the rich son, well to be quite honest, we only met him once. His mother hardly spoke about him and he didn’t seem to come see her very often.

Well over the course of time we would hear how the rich son got a divorce and various other problems in his life. He didn’t seem to be very happy and his life was filled with problems. As for the poorer one, well he was always happy and carefree. He had a loving wife and family and he seemed as if he had true contentment.

Their story was a lesson for me, a lesson that I’ll teach you today. Money and wealth does not give you contentment. Contentment is a gift from Allah. You get it when you do things that Allah loves, like helping your mother or caring for your neighbour. You cant buy contentment.”

Zaheer was beginning to get the point, but he let his father continue without any interruptions.

“You see” Imraan said. “If you get married because you want to abstain from sin, then Allah will make that path easy for you. And more than that, if you do the right thing, Allah will give you contentment. Life is not about money. Life is not about the numbers, this is not mathematics. Provision comes from Allah, so why must we sit and worry about it? Can you understand this?”

Zaheer nodded his head slowly. “So I guess” he replied “that what you’re trying to say is that I shouldn’t really stress about money stuff. But how can you say that, especially since providing for our families is our responsibility? Don’t you stress about it all.”

“Yes,” replied Imraan. “It may be our responsibility, but where does it come from? Only Allah! As for me, I don’t worry about it. Each day I make a special dua to Allah, each day I go out seeking only halaal rizq, each day I work hard at my job- to try and deserve this favour of Allah, and each day I thank Allah for all the bounties that He bestows upon this family.”

“So basically” Zaheer asked “you’re saying that I should have married her?”

“Uh uh” replied Imraan. “I'm saying no such thing. I'm giving you the facts of life here. Now that you understand these facts, you can make an analytical decision. You’ll have to consider, is this a good girl? Will she make a good mother, a good wife? Will she remain faithful and true to you? Is she Allah fearing? Will she provide you with a good home. These are all questions you must consider before contemplating marriage. Its not all about the romance and hormones. Marriage is an important decision. You have to approach it level headedly and considerately. Its not like the Hollywood movies. Their marriages never last anyway, do they? What I'm saying is this: when you reach a point where you're considering marriage, don’t wait around for the day when you’ll get a better job or higher salary- understand that Allah will put blessings in your money when you do the right thing. Furthermore when you’ve found someone special, make sure she’ll be good for your condition in this life and the next, make dua, ask Allah for guidance, consider it all carefully; then make your decision. That’s the best advice I can give.”

Zaheer remained silent, clearly lost in thought.

Imraan got up and began leaving, patting Zaheer encouragingly on his shoulder. “Don't worry son” he said positively. “It sounds harder than it is. Just put your trust in Allah, then all will be easy.”

“Thanks for this.” Zaheer said. Imraan nodded and walked out.

For a while Zaheer just sat there, completely still. He sat there in silence, contemplating the past, the present and the future.

After much deliberation Zaheer went into his room, switched on his computer and began writing a letter.

 

Chapter 15: The Letter

Zahraa received the letter via email early the next day. She read it slowly. Then she read it over and over again.

I'm not good at this kind of thing. I'm not the guy who writes poetry, who cries for sappy music and is aware of all of my feelings. This is not my thing, and I know I’m not good at it.

That being said, please forgive me for what will probably be a failed attempt at an honest rendition of my heart.

You once said that our two hearts weren’t meant to be together. Well, I have to disagree. I think that our hearts were never meant to be apart. You are a part of me as I am of you. Forever more.

 

I know that I failed you. When you said that you didn’t want to chat anymore, I should have agreed then and there to stop it all. I should have chased after you until I caught up, and married you right then. More than anything I feel bad that you were the one that had to end it all. I should have known, for my own imaan, not to engage in acts that would lead to sin. In all those moments with you I forgot Allah, but you never did. Not only that, you reminded me too. And for that I will always be grateful!

 

My father said that when contemplating marriage you should ask yourself whether the girl would make a good mother, wife and a trustful companion. In your case, I can easily answer yes for all those questions. You are the best choice. Your looks might fade someday and any infatuation between us may slowly wither; but your character and your spirit will never die, and those are the two best things about you. It is for that very reason that my heart is a witness.. I could never give up on you. You were always meant for me.

 I need you in my life Zahraa, your passion astounds me, your piety inspires me and you wisdom spurs me on. You make me want to do everything better. You have improved my life, and I cant bear to let you go.

I wont try to make any excuses for myself. I have failed you and I know that. I handled everything so wrong. I didn’t think that I was ready for marriage, but that was just fear that was crippling me. Now I know that Im ready, and I know that there is only one person that I want to take that plunge with. I know that you have someone else in your life right now, but I ask, no I beg you to give me as second chance. And if you do, I promise- I’ll spend my lifetime making it up to you and treating you in a manner that you deserve to be treated.

 

So I ask you, Zahraa, please forgive me. Please overlook all my faults. Please let me find my way back into your heart. Oh and Zahraa, please marry me.

Zaheer

By the time Zahraa was done with the letter tears were streaming uncontrollably down her cheeks.

 

Chapter 16: The Reunion

The reunion between Zahraa and Zaheer was a moment that both of them would not soon forget. After reading his email Zahraa, too stunned and emotional for words, had instantly sent a reply. ‘Yes’ is all her email had said.

Zaheer hadn’t replied. He was done wasting time. He had other plans and he didnt want to waste his time with emails. He had spent years pining after this girl and he knew for certain that based on her intellect, character and piety, she was most definitely the girl for him. The minute after he received her reply, with a huge smile on his face, Zaheer began setting his plans into motion.

The next day he was on her doorstep.

With a bunch of roses in his hand and a big smile on his face he waited to be invited in, sat in her lounge and very calmly asked her father for his daughter's hand in marriage. Zahraa wasn’t even there at the time. She had known nothing of Zaheer’s unexpected visit and was still waiting for him to reply to the email she sent the previous night. Out shopping with Saaleha, Zahraa walked into her home to find Zaheer sitting and chatting comfortably with her parents.

She was so shocked that she almost dropped the parcels that she had in her hand.

“Whats going on here?” Zahraa managed to mumble through the wild surprise and excitement that was occurring in her mind.

Nobody replied for a while and the silence only made Zahraa more anxious.

She repeated her question: “No really, can someone tell me whats happening here?”

“Relax Zahraa” her father said smiling. “Your mother and I have just been chatting to this very nice fellow over here. It turns out that he is actually interested in marrying you”

Now Zahraa was so surprised that she actually had to sit down to catch her breath. Sure Zaheer had asked her in the email to marry him, but she hadn’t expected this. Not like this. Not so soon.

“So” her father continued: “We think he is a very good guy and very well suited for you too but well... we need your input.”

Zahraa was at a loss for words so she continued staring, first at her parents then at Zaheer, then at her parents then back at Zaheer.

Now her mother spoke: “Yusuf I think that we should give these two a chance to talk don’t you? Let them catch up and all of that and then we can take it from there. Poor Zahraa does seem a bit stunned.”

With that Zahraa’s parents quickly left the room, leaving Zahraa and Zaheer staring at each other.

Zaheer was the first to speak: “So you gonna marry me or what?” he said with a smile on his face. “I know you said yes, well im assuming that's what your yes was for...am I right”

Zahraa spoke slowly. “Yes, you're right, but well you really managed to catch me off guard Zaheer. I didn’t think you meant that all this should happen so well... soon!”

“Why not?” Zaheer asked blatantly. “I wasted enough time Zahraa. If I wasn’t so stupid we’d be married a long time ago. I didn’t wanna waste another moment spending my days without you.”

“But come now Zaheer” Zahraa replied, finally regaining her composure. “We not even sure about this.”

“Zahraa I have never been so sure about anything before. I know we never really know and for that reason I've been reading Istikhaara salaah and making dua. And again I say, I have never been so sure about anything before.”

Zahraa remained silent.

Zaheer continued talking.

He moved closer to her looked right at her and said honestly and calmly:

“Look, Im not saying that I cant live without you, because well I'm sure I could. Im saying that I don’t want to. Im not choosing you because of some stupid high school crush that Ive harboured for years, im choosing you because I know that you have everything I need in a partner in order to have a successful marriage. Im not saying that we wont have our bumpy roads and rocky paths, its inevitable that we will. Instead Im saying that while I know that marriage may be tough, you’re the only person I want by my side when I conquer those bumpy roads and rocky paths. And I know that with you Allah will always come first, and I know now that that is what is most important."

Now it was Zahraa’s turn to reply and again she was at a loss for words. What could she say at a time like this? How could she even fathom what her heart was feeling?

“Okay Zaheer” she said eventually. “Let’s do this. I’m with you. I’ve always been with you. Let’s travel this path together. Let’s do it.”

Zaheer smiled and Zahraa smiled in return

No longer apart, now they were finally together.

 

 

 

The End/ Beginning of it all

Zahraa and Zaheer were married, 2 months later, in a small and intimate affair with just their closest family and friends. They had wanted their wedding to match their expectations of marriage; a simple yet sunny outlook on all that was to come.

Just after the nikkah had taken place Saaleha had taken Zahraa aside and given her a warm hug.

“You’ve filled us all with hope” she said to Zahraa.

“How did I mange to do that” Zahraa had replied astonished.

“Well,” Saaleha had said: “You’ve showed us all that you can sacrifice what you want in order to do things the right way, in order to do what you knew was better. And now today is a testament to the fact that Allah has still given you all that you yourself always wanted.”

Zahraa’s eyes had welled up with tears. In reply she said to her “Well Saal, you know it wasn’t easy, and there were times when I might’ve slipped. But you reminded me didn’t you? You held my hand and pulled me back up. So thank you for everything.”

“I told you back then” Saaleha said to her. “We all only end up with exactly what was meant for us. That doesn’t mean we musnt go out and do our best, but it certainly does mean that we must make damn sure we don’t do the worst.”

Their sisterly bonding moment was cut short with the arrival of Hafsah and Miriam, and the three of them instantly, amidst excited chatter, whisked Zahraa away in order for her to go and meet her new husband.

And then she saw him there and she was filled with a love that she thought would make her heart explode.

And then he saw her smiling at him and he was instantly brought back to the very first moment when he beheld that very same breathtaking smile. Only this time it was directed at him, this time she was his.

And they both knew in that moment, that this was surely destiny.

The End