Chapters 1- 8
Chapter 1: Ticking Clock
Zaheer cursed the clock that didn’t seem to be moving and waited anxiously for the day to end. Today was one of those long boring days .Programming was definitely Zaheer’s speciality. He could spend hours by his computer, lost in his own little world. Today, however, he was stuck with paperwork.
Zaheer was part of the junior team that had, for the past few months, been working on an important project. The fun work, the actual programming, was all just about done. Now Zaheer was faced with the tedious task of formalising all their months of work into logs, spreadsheets, timesheets and PowerPoint presentations to be presented to the senior management in a week’s time. Yes, for Zaheer, this was the boring part. And thus it was that he came to find himself silently cursing the clock.
Zaheer was not the complaining type. He was always under the impression that if he worked hard enough he would get what he wanted. So instead of complaining about his incessantly ranting superiors who liked to throw their weight around by subjecting their junior staff to sometimes unnecessary work, Zaheer decided to trust firmly in Allah and resolved to be patient. Today, however, he could find very little patience with his seemingly unmoving clock.
A few minutes later (though it seemed like hours) the clock precisely displayed 5pm and Zaheer was more than ready to leave. He, along with his friends, gathered their stuff and began leaving. His newest colleague Sam looked sheepishly at the guys before muttering: “Finally this torture has ended.”
“Ended!” exclaimed another colleague, Lionel; “This will only be over next week! Brace yourself man, we’ve still got a long way to go.”
Zaheer already had one foot out the door when his boss Peter called him back. “Zaheer” he said. “A moment of your time before you leave please.”
Unlike the other upper management heads Peter was actually a nice guy. He genuinely seemed to care about others and didn’t walk around as if he owned the world. Down-to-earth, that was probably the best way in which Zaheer could describe him. And when considering most other people that worked there, down to earth was definitely a compliment.
Zaheer made his way inside his office waiting for Peter to close the door behind him. Peter’s office was big, yet somehow still cosy. Not expansive and aloof like so many offices, this office made one feel right at home. Curious, Zaheer took a seat and waited for Peter to begin.
“Sorry Zaheer” Peter said. “Im sure you want to leave already, I just needed to speak privately.”
“No problem” muttered Zaheer. With anyone else it probably would have been a problem for him, but Peter had Zaheer’s loyalty since he had helped him out on many different occasions.
“Well” Peter continued quickly. “There’s just no easy way to say this. Our department is facing some major cut backs in budget and staff. Im going to have to let some people go.”
Zaheer suddenly became very nervous.” He’s going to fire me”, he thought to himself.
Peter continued: “Naturally this is going to be very difficult since we all work together in such close teams. But these orders come straight from the very top and they want it all implemented immediately.”
Peter must have noticed Zaheer’s look of concern because he immediately tried to reassure him. “Look Zaheer, I’m not saying that you’ll be the one to go. I’m going to have to go through the whole evaluation process and find our weakest link. In the meantime I’m doing everybody the courtesy of letting them know beforehand so that they aren’t suddenly taken by surprise. First thing tomorrow morning I’ll be calling each one of them in to let them know. I just thought that I’d let you know first. I don’t know how all the other guys will take the news.”
“Thanks Peter for your honesty” Zaheer said to him. “I'm sure this must be really hard for you too. Don’t worry about the guys, we’ll all just deal with it you know. As for you, surely you’ll have to do what you must do. Even if I’m the one to go, its all just part of God’s will, right?"
Peter smiled at him. “There's that attitude that I sure do love. That's why I told you first, I knew I could count on you. I also just wanted to warn you. I know, when we had that talk, that you were worried about your future and all and I just wanted to...”
“Seriously”, Zaheer cut him off. “Don’t worry about it. God always has a plan. And I’m not really worried anymore anyway. I’ve lost the hope of that already. It’s been a really long time and I’m sure she’s moved on already. What can we do, right?”
“Well.” Peter said "If all you told me was true, then I’m sure that this story is not yet over. Stories like yours, well it doesn’t just end like that.”
Zaheer offered no further insights and Peter quickly caught on. Zaheer was clearly not in the mood for a heart to heart.
“Anyway” Zaheer continued as he began leaving Peter’s office. “Don’t stress about us, we’ll manage, we’re all young anyway and it’s a hopeful market out there. Thanks again for being forthright with me.”
“It’s my pleasure” Peter said warmly. “Be sure to give my regards to your mum and dad. “I will” said Zaheer as he began closing the door behind him. “Have a good night Boss!”
Leaving his office, Zaheer contemplated what had just occurred. Peter was by no means an ordinary boss. Zaheer had even invited him home on more than one occasion. About a year ago, Zaheer- the newest colleague at the time, had been sad depressed and seemed to be nursing a broken heart. Kind and helpful Peter had called Zaheer into his office and pressed him to confide in him. Zaheer, needing someone to talk to, had explained what had just happened and how things had just fallen apart between him and the girl of his dreams. He had confided in Peter the way one confides in a best friend or a sibling; explaining how much he cared for her, and how he could not afford, nor expect to handle any marriage situation at the time. Peter had listened intently and formulated various strategies in dealing with the situation. He firmly believed that having a happy personal life ensured an unprecedented rate of success at work; and thus continued to encourage all of his employees to, as he put it, 'get all their stuff worked out'. Over the course of time Peter continued to enquire about Zaheer's romantic entanglements, encouraging him not to give up on all his biggest dreams.
Brushing aside all that had happened, Zaheer tried his best to forget the possible ramifications of losing his job, as well as all of Peter's concerns.
As he was driving home he, not for the first time, lamented over Zahraa.
Zahraa thudded loudly around the house. This child did not get tired.
“Kareema” she cooed suspiciously.
“Kareema Im coming to get you” “Kareeeeema , where are you.”
Just then she saw a movement flash by and heard a soft muffle of giggles. Quickly, but quietly, she followed the sound. She was in the lounge now, tiptoeing gently so she wouldn’t be heard. The lounge was a mess with pillows and toys scattered across the floor. On the couch she noticed some movement. Quickly she lunged forward and landed next to Kareema who was trying, unsuccessfully, to remain hidden on the couch. “Gotcha!” she screamed excitedly.
Kareema laughed hysterically. Unable to talk yet, she mumbled unintelligible little words. Then she put her head beneath the pillows in the attempt to hide away again. Zahraa was just about to pretend to look for her again when the phone suddenly rang.
Hafsah was on the other end, checking to see how her daughter was behaving and calling to let Zahraa know that they were on their way home. When Zahraa put the phone down she informed little Kareema.
“Ok Kareema” she said in her baby voice.
“Mummy and daddy are on their way home. Time to clean up now.”
Hafsah and Suhail had decided that they were in desperate need of some alone time and had thus commissioned Zahraa to babysit for the night. 1 and half year old Kareema was always full of energy and Zahraa was the one who could get along with her best. From reading her favourite stories over and over again, jumping on beds and couches, and playing hide and seek; Zahraa was by far her favourite. And Zahraa was never shy to admit that she absolutely enjoyed all the quality time she spent with her little friend.
Zahraa and Kareema started picking up the scattered toys and pillows and placing them where they belonged. Then Kareema, bringing her favourite book, indicated that she wanted Zahraa to read it for her. They were halfway through the book when Hafsah and Suhail arrived home.
“Mummy and daddy are here!” Zahraa screamed excitedly for the benefit of Kareema. Ecstatic Kareema started jumping up and down screaming “mama mama mama”. Hafsah, who was not used to being away from her daughter, practically ran into the house, scooped Kareema into her arms and plastered her with big kisses. “I missed you so much” she said to Kareema. “I missed you all the time my little girl!”
Zahraa smiled at the sight. Suddenly she had a flashback to high school, thinking about the Hafsah she knew back then. That Hafsah, on one occasion when they were having a conversation, had boldly claimed that she didn’t intend on having any children. She was convinced that she would be a high profile career woman who, in her words, wouldn’t have time for nappies and drooling. Now, looking at her longingly hug and kiss her daughter who she had been away from for just two hours; she couldn’t help but smile at the way life had turned out.
After Hafsah and Kareema were done with their reunion, Suhail went to settle Kareema down as Zahraa joined Hafsah on the stoep for a cup of coffee.
“Thanks so much Zahraa” Hafsah said appreciatively. “I think, for the sake of our marriage, we just needed to get out a bit. Sometimes everything just gets a bit too much you know?!”
“My pleasure!” Zahraa replied. “You know that its never a problem to babysit her right, she’s so much fun, really.”
Hafsah smiled, thinking about her daughter. They spent the next 5 minutes or so talking about the cutest things that Kareema had recently done.
“What about you?” Hafsah said to Zahraa. “How’s that long list of proposals coming along? Have you managed to come to any firm decisions?”
“Yes,” Zahraa replied. “Ive decided to give up on all of it completely. I’m just so tired of it all. Really, I don’t mean to complain about it but the more guys that come to propose, the more I’m convinced that there is nobody out there who is meant for me.”
“Oh come on,” Hafsah said encouragingly. “I’m sure they not all that bad”
“They’re not bad”, Zahraa replied, “well some of them are anyway, but most of them are pretty decent guys. But it just never works out. When I think that I’ve found one that might match me, then he turns out to be not interested. When I find an interesting one that I think I might get along with, well then, he opens his mouth and proves otherwise.”
“Do you know” Zahraa continued “that one guy basically told me that he already liked me, even though he didn’t even take the time to say anything else to me, since I wasn’t like all the ‘uglies’ that he’d seen before?”
“You’re joking” Hafsah laughed. “What did he mean that all the other girls he’d seen were ugly looking or what?”
“Ja” Zahraa said “that’s what he meant. “He kept on looking at me and repeating. Very nice, very pretty! Very nice very pretty! He was actually kind of creepy.
Hafsah, who had no clue what Zahraa was going through, sympathetically smiled. “Come on Zahraa” she said “Just hang in there, Allah will make it easy for you, insha Allah.”
“I know” replied Zahraa. “I know that Allah makes it easy for me, that’s why I really don’t like complaining. I mean you must hear the horror stories of some other people, mine is not even half that bad. So what am I crying about right?!”
“Right!” screamed Hafsah half jokingly half encouragingly. “You can do it Zahraa! Hang in there!”
A short while later Zahraa was headed out the door when Hafsah stopped her. “Seriously though Zahraa” she said softly. “Don’t worry about anything. Allah has a plan for us all. Someday you’ll get the one that you were meant to marry and then it’ll all be worth it.”
“I hope so.” Zahraa said to Hafsah before greeting and heading home.
Not for the first time that night Zahraa though about Zaheer.
Chapter 3: Work Troubles
Zaheer paced up and down, up and down. The past week had been challenging and Zaheer was filled with concern. He had sent his CV to a few other companies, companies who he thought might be interested but they all had yet to reply to him.
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and instead of spending the day outside Zaheer was in his bedroom, pacing up and down. He needed a plan; he needed to figure out what to do. What if he got fired and couldn’t manage to get another job? What would he do then? Needless to say, he spent much more time these days making lots of dua.
On Friday he had completed his own evaluation. He sat in front of what seemed like a panel of judges, answering questions that they asked. They sat with all of his files, discussing all of his previous records of work and asking him about all of his future plans. This ‘panel of judges’ as the guys had all come to call it, consisted of his boss, Peter, and two other department heads who were superiors to even Peter. Now, as he paced up and down his room, he kept reviewing the details of Friday’s meeting.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “Come inside” Zaheer said. His father Imraan, aware of his son’s latest burdens, came to find out how he was doing.
“Im fine daddy” Zaheer said. “Really I am”
“Well, I know that you’re worried” Imraan said, ignoring his sons seemingly convincing words. “But you really need to stop stressing over this. You know what they say, when one door closes then another one opens, right?”
“I know” Zaheer said, trying to sound as positive as he possibly could. “Im just thinking about all that I should do. Really, im fine daddy please don’t worry about me.”
Imraan was used to his son’s evasiveness so he got up and began leaving.
“Daddy” Zaheer said before his father was completely gone.
“Yes” replied Imraan
“Well, I was just wondering”, continued Zaheer, “If its always this hard for a man. I mean here I am worrying about my job and I have some colleagues who have families and bills and bonds to pay. What will they do if they suddenly lose their main source of income? So, well, it is always this hard?”
“Yes, its hard” replied Imraan. “It’ll always be this way, especially when you have more responsibilities in life. But you must always remember that Allah is the Provider. In life you’ll only get the share that Allah has proportioned for you. So then, always do your best, fulfil the duties to others, ask of Allah and then put your trust firmly in Him. When you realize that Allah is the Provider then you’ll begin to understand that no matter what happens in life, you’ll always get the share that Allah has willed for you. So if you lose your job, then that share that Allah has willed for you, you’ll get it from some other means. Allah’s will is incalculable and incomprehensible. Don’t ever forget that son.”
Zaheer said no more, though his mood clearly seemed to have improved. Imraan, who had sat down again, now got up and began leaving. “If you ever need anything Zaheer” Imraan said while departing. “even just simple advice, don’t be afraid to ask.”
It was a while after his talk with his father that Zaheer had finally come to a firm decision. He was now determined not to waste another moment worrying about things that he had no control over. His father was right, everything can only happen according to Allah’s will. Hadn’t he been making dua to Allah? Hadn’t he been asking Allah for help? Now he knew firmly that Allah would ease his difficulties and provide him with only his own share.
He quickly grabbed his cell phone and sent a sms to Aarif. “Where are you guys now, still busy with the match or what?”
Aarif’s response was quick. “Got delayed, only starting now. Changed your mind, wanna join us now?
Zaheer replied quickly: “Carry on, meet you there now!”
That, Zaheer thought would do the trick. A good soccer match would be the ideal thing to free his mind. He thought back to his high school days and how often they would play soccer. Now he was lucky if he managed to play once or twice in a month since the guys were usually all busy with their own commitments. He needed to get his mind off all his work troubles. He needed something to distract him since at times like these, when he would have loved to talk to Zahraa, he thought about her far too often.
Nope, this was a great opportunity and he didn’t want to miss it.
Chapter 4: Tears and Fears
Zahraa was sprawled across Miriam’s bedroom floor, utterly exhausted. She had spent the day working and running errands and had come over, before the afternoon ended, to visit Miriam. Miriam, who worked as a journalist for an online newspaper, had taken the week off and had been begging her friends to come and spend time with her. Today Zahraa and Hafsah had finally obeyed.
“I’m telling you guys” Miriam complained. “I have absolutely nothing to wear to this stupid thing.” Miriam was searching through her cupboard for something appropriate to wear for her brother’s wedding.
“Ugh!” she screamed in frustration “I give up. I’m just not going!”
“Oh thats great!” replied Zahraa sarcastically. “You can just skip your brother’s wedding. And if they ask you why you didn’t come then you can just tell them ‘well, because I had nothing to wear!’ We’ll see how well Ahmed deals with that.”
In a little less than a month, Miriam’s brother Ahmed would be getting married. Both the bride and groom had insisted on a small and low key function.
The problem with Miriam was that she was trying her very best to find an outfit that she could wear, in order to save her from shopping, which she absolutely dreaded.
Miriam grabbed one of her dresses and flung it at Zahraa and Hafsah. “Why don’t you two get off your lazy backsides and come help me find something nice to wear. You know I’m terrible at this!”
“Oh come on Miriam.” Zahraa said. “There must be something nice you can wear in there.” With that Zahraa jumped up from the floor and made her way to Miriam’s cupboard.
“Okay” she said to her. “What do you have in mind?”
Miriam replied gratefully: “Well, anything simple will be good.” I mean its going to be a simple thing right, with just close family and friends. It’s not even in a hall! My clothes kind of need to match the setting, right?
“Okay” Zahraa said. She ruffled through the clothes for a while until her eyes fell across a beautiful dress nestled between a big fluffy jacket, and another fancier skirt. “Well looky here” she said. “This looks good, where did this come from Miriam?”
Miriam had to search her mind before she could place it. “Oh ja! I forgot about that! I think it was a gift from my aunty! That’s perfect. It’s not too fancy but not too plain.”
"And" Zahraa continued, "You can match it up with this bag and these shoes."
"I agree" said Hafsah. "That outfit will be perfect Miriam."
“So what are you guys wearing?” Miriam asked the two of them. “Oh, I’m sure I’ve got something nice at home” Zahraa replied. And I actually love shopping you know? Anyway, I don’t have to stress. It’s your family thing right, now that you finally know what you’re wearing, I’m glad too. I don’t even know why you’re invited Hafsah and I anyway. We’re not even close to Ahmed.”
“Well you close to me” Miriam snapped. “And I had to have someone there that I actually like!”
To that Hafsah and Zahraa both giggled.
Miriam was toying with something in her mind and so she was quiet for while. After a few minutes she said to Zahraa: “Hey Zahraa, I need to tell you something and I don’t know how you going to react.”
“Well then” Zahraa said jokingly, “Tell me and then we’ll see my reaction.”
“Okay fine” Miriam said. “Well, you know that Ahmed is friends with Zaheer right. And well, since its Ahmed’s wedding, you know that Zaheer will be there right?”
Zahraa remained silent.
“Well, I mean , I don’t know if he will be there,” Miriam continued. “But he is invited, and he’ll probably come. I just thought I’d warn you beforehand”
Zahraa didn’t say anything for a while. Eventually she said:
“Well, what I must do about that right? He’s free to do whatever he wants. I’ll just steer clear and make sure I don’t have to see him. Besides, it won’t be a problem since he clearly wants nothing to do with me.”
“Really Zahraa” Hafsah said to her: “I’ve told you before that I don’t think it’s even like that. Its not like he dumped you, he clearly liked you. It’s not like he said he wants nothing to do with you. Actually, that’s what you said to him.”
“No, its not!” argued Zahraa. “I told him my reasons for staying away from him and I gave him an option. He didn’t care enough about me to take the option and he let me go. After all his promises and all his words he ended up being just as full of it as everybody else. Clearly he didn’t mean all that he said.”
“Zahraa” Miriam said to her: “You gave him only one option and that option was marriage. Which person would jump at that?”
“A person who cared enough about the next person” replied Zahraa angrily.
“Believe me” Miriam replied: “Zaheer cared about you!”
Now Zahraa was struggling to hold back her tears as she continued to argue. “How can you say that he cared about me?” she asked Miriam and Hafsah. “You guys were there when I was crying. You were there when I was waiting for him to call or sms, to send some sort of message to show that he cared. I got nothing. After that night, after I told him my feelings, he just simply ignored me. Who does that? The truth is that I gave him an easy way out. I provided the perfect solution for him to end it all. And that’s fine, really, I get now that it wasn’t meant to be and that he’s not the one I’m meant to marry.”
Zahraa stopped talking, trying to catch her breath. Miriam looked at her apologetically, regretting that she had to bring up this obviously painful subject.
“Anyway.” Zahraa said, trying her best to bounce back from her sudden outburst. “That’s all in the past anyway! Zaheer and I are done and when I see him at Ahmed’s wedding, well, I plan on ignoring him. I won’t waste my time crying over some guy.
Afraid that she might actually end up crying, Zahraa quickly changed the subject.
Chapter 5: A Guy Thing
It was a Sunday afternoon and Zaheer was chilling out with the guys. On Wednesday his old school friends had arranged to meet on Sunday. It was, according to them, a while since they had last gotten together and they needed to keep in touch and catch up. Thus, with that in mind, they had all arranged to meet at the nearby park for a braai.
Sameer, previously known as the class’s biggest playboy, was seriously looking to get married and the guys couldn’t help but tease him.
“Haai man!” teased Faheem, the old class clown; “I still can’t believe that you’re actually willingly want to get married. What did you get tired of all the hustling or what?”
Sameer just laughed: “I am tired man! I need to get me a good girl who I can settle down with. I’m getting old man!”
To that, they all laughed hysterically.
“I think he’s lying” said another friend, Ishaaq. “Maybe his mother is just on his case and is forcing him to get married. Now he’s just embarrassed so he’s acting like it’s his idea. Come on Sameer man, be brave. We all have to deal with that all the time!
The guys all laughed mercilessly at Sameer.
“Anyway,” asked Aarif: “what you going around asking everybody for all the chick’s numbers. You dated like half of the neighbourhood, you got all their numbers. Just marry one of them.”
“I cant marry chicks like that!” Sameer replied. “You know what kind of things they get up to? You really think I want wild chicks like that to be the mother of my kids. Naa man, I need to find me a good girl!”
“Wait a minute” Zaheer cut in: “So what you’re saying is that even though you the one who corrupted all the neighbourhood girls, you don’t wanna marry them because they’re... corrupted...?”
Sameer thought about it for a moment and then nonchalantly replied: “Ja, that’s right! chicks like that are fine for jolling, for fooling around with, but when you want to settle down you need to get the real goods.”
Suddenly Zaheer was transported back into time to the night when he chatted about this very thing to Zahraa. He remembered how angry she had gotten and how he had laughed at her. Even afterwards, he thought that she was simply overreacting. Now, however, as he sat here and saw the reality of it with his own two eyes, he finally understood why the situation had angered her so. The worst thing, he thought to himself, is that guys like Sameer do actually end up getting married to those innocent girls who know nothing of their past. Not only is the whole situation unfair to the new bride, but also to the ‘corrupted girls’ whose reputation would forever be tarnished.
Sameer continued to go on about his search for a bride and kept on asking the guys to give them the numbers for their sisters. Everybody laughed at him as if he was simply crazy.
After a while the meat was ready and everybody sat down to eat. Everybody was relieved when Sameer changed the subject and began talking about the latest sport news.
A short while after the guys had eaten they all decided to play a game of soccer for, as they called it, old time’s sake. They quickly made up two teams and started up the match. After years of studying, employment, marriage, worries, troubles and grief; all the ‘old guys’- playing like this, really brought back the glory days of high school. Zaheer felt as if he was transported back in time to a land of no worries and responsibilities; a land of ditching school and playing pranks. Up until now, he never realized how easy they had had it in high school. All the guys must have felt the same way because they played their hearts out and laughed joyfully every step of the way. Unfortunately for Zaheer, Sameer had to come along and ruin it.
“Hey guys, I was thinking!” he said in the midst of their match; “Remember that hot chick, what was her name again, Zahraa I think. Don’t you guys have her number or something? Now there’s a woman I wouldn’t mind marrying.”
Aarif turned around to look at Zaheer, clearly interested in his reaction.
Everybody ignored him, clearly tired of his constant desperate questioning, but he continued to go on.
“No really, come on guys, who will help me out here?” That Zahraa chick will be good for me. She’ll fix me up properly. She’s what I need.”
“And what on earth,” Zaheer blurted out, unable to restrain himself: “makes you think that she would want to marry you?”
“Well look at me man, who wouldn’t want to marry me?” Sameer said proudly." I’m good looking, rich and all the mothers love me.”
“That’s because they don’t know you” snickered someone in the background.
“Hey man,” said Anees “I heard that Zahraa’s gotten holy. Probably wouldn’t want to marry the likes of you.”
“Ja” agreed Ishaaq. “I bumped into her the other day. “She wears hijaab. She’s changed.”
Sameer persisted: “Its fine, all that really matters is that she’s hot underneath it all. You know what I mean, right? Come on guys, who’s got her number?”
Zaheer couldn’t stand it any longer. He had the soccer ball in his possession and, without fully thinking, he kicked the ball so hard at Sameer that it landed hard and fast on his face. Sameer fell to the ground instantly. Everybody rushed to see if he was alright but he proudly insisted that it was just a minor bruise. His face, however, had a different story. His eyes were red and puffy and his face was already swelling. He looked as if he had just been punched in the face.
To say that anybody felt pity for him would be a lie. On the contrary they all silently praised Zaheer, glad that Sameer could finally shut it (since he left the match and went to sit near the braai stands) and they could finally get on with their game.
Zaheer, though he pretended to care, couldn’t bring himself to apologise. It was only after Sameer left that his anger began subsiding. Once again he thought about Zahraa and lamented over all that was, and all that never would be.
Chapter 6: Hopeful Meetings
Here she was again. Sitting in her bedroom making dua while waiting for her possible future husband to arrive. As much as she had told Hafsah that she was done with it all, Zahraa just couldn’t bring herself to give up.’ Maybe this time’, she thought to herself, ‘maybe this time everything will just click’.
It was approximately a year since she and Zaheer had any contact and Zahraa was glad to say that she had managed to get back into the groove of things. At first it had been hard. After coming to the realisation that she had wanted to marry Zaheer, she couldn’t bring herself to accept the possibility of marrying someone else. Each time she had a proposal, she automatically turned it down. After a short while Zahraa began to come around. Though deep down she was still sad over everything that had happened, she kept on telling herself that Allah knew what was best for her; and that there was inconceivable wisdom in all of Allah’s plans. Slowly she started accepting the idea of someone else. Slowly she became hopeful that someone better was out there and that Allah would soon make their paths meet.
In the past year Zahraa had gone through a series of proposals, one more hilarious than the next. She was glad that, sometimes, despite the awkwardness of the whole situation she managed to get some great humour. At times, however, Zahraa would feel hopeless and despondent fearing that there was nobody out there for her. It was at these times that her faith would most seriously be tested and she would constantly make dua for strength.
Today Zahraa was in a particularly good mood. The latest proposal was due to arrive any time soon and she had just spent the past hour reading Qur'aan. She was filled with such a sense of hopefulness and pleasure that it was impossible not to be glad.
The proposals itself had gotten much easier. Maybe it was that she was used to it, maybe it was that she knew that time was moving on and that this was now inevitable for her or maybe she had just gotten more mature; but Zahraa calmly dealt with the situation every time. No longer nervous, unsure and emotional; Zahraa now managed to approach each new proposal calm and rationally.
She heard a car approach and waited for the guests to come into the house. After her parents had greeted his family, Zahraa entered into the foyer and calmly greeted and welcomed the guests. Then they all made their way into the lounge.
Zahraa believed very much in first impressions, and Haarith made a good first impression. Not only was he polite and poised, but he also behaved with respect and consideration to all. And though it definitely wasn’t her main criteria, his good looks worked in his favour.
Haarith worked as an architect at a construction company and was the oldest of three brothers. He was accompanied by his mother, her two siblings (his aunty and uncle) and one of his brothers. His father, as Zahraa had been told had passed away when Haarith was only ten years old, plunging Haarith into sudden maturity.
After chatting for a while, Zahraa and Haarith moved to an adjoining room where they could get to know each other just a little better. Haarith asked her about her job and about her feelings towards life, marriage and children. Zahraa asked him about his own life and about some of his practises and beliefs. Now that she was more experienced she understood that it was better to get everything out in the open now. So she ensured that she was honest and open with him and tried to ask the most important questions so that she could easily understand him.
Zahraa felt comfortable with the family and was even slightly attracted to Haarith. For a change, she actually believed that more could come out of this meeting. After a while the family left and Zahraa and her parents sat in the lounge.
“So well, I know its too early to tell,” said Yusuf to his daughter. “But what do you think; do you think you like him?”
“Well”, Zahraa casually replied. “He’s not that bad, they all seem pretty nice to me. I don’t know though, you know how it goes. I’ll sit and make dua, read my Istikhaara, and ask Allah for help. Right now, im pretty sure that I’m willing to at least take it a step further and give it a try, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see right?”
Yusuf and Farida smiled. “All went well” Farida said. “They do seem like really nice people Zahraa and I think you two might make a good match. But you’re absolutely right. Think about it carefully and then let us know.
“I will” Zahraa said before departing to her bedroom.
Before falling asleep that night Zahraa’s mind wandered to Zaheer and she wandered whether she was not making a big mistake by moving on. Then her reason set in and firmly and said to her that she could not wait around pining forever. And when her emotions said that she might still harbour feelings for him, her reason informed her that moving on was the only sure way to get rid of those old feelings. When her emotions retaliated by claiming that it wanted to hold onto those feelings for as long as possible, her reason reminded her that it would be better for her to move on and find someone else, before he did. Finally, fed up of the irritating thoughts going on, Zahraa grabbed her ipod filled with all her favourite Qur'aan recitations, stuffed a pillow over her head and let her favourite Qaris help her fall off to sleep.
Chapter 7: Relief
Zaheer was in a good mood. Not one of those good moods you have when you happen to just wake up on the right side of the bed. No, rather one of those moods that make you feel as if you love the whole world, and the whole world loves you in return.
Earlier that morning Zaheer’s boss, Peter, had called the entire team into his office.
“Well guys” Peter had said, choosing his words carefully. “I have some news”.
Everybody was silent.
Peter continued: “As you all very well know, We’ve conducted comprehensive interviews with the whole team in order to determine who will be forced to go. Well, after all the work, and all the stress (Peter smiled slightly) I have to tell you all that we have come to a final decision.
Zaheer had tried his best to remain as calm as possible, reassuring himself that Allah most certainly, always has a better plan for all. He looked around at all the nervous faces of his colleagues and made a silent dua for them all.
“So now” Peter said. “Upper level management has decided that all of the employees on this team are extremely efficient and well, simply put, needed.” Then he was quiet for a moment.
“What on earth does that mean?” a confused Zaheer asked.
“Well” Peter replied “It means that nobody from this team will be leaving!”
Everybody was silent for a moment before they all burst into excited laughter and screams.
“Seriously”, Sam the new guy said: “They’re not even firing me?
“Well yes, Peter replied. “They think that this group, in fact this whole department, is generating such good results and they’re afraid to well, spoil a good thing.”
Zaheer made a silent dua, thanking Allah for easing his burdens, before joining the guys excited chatter.
“I was so worried” said Lionel. “Ive been looking around for a job but I couldn’t find anything. I couldn’t even manage to tell my wife. She’s eight months pregnant and I’ve been told not to stress her out. So I didn’t tell her anything. Good thing too because she would have worried for nothing.”
Zaheer’s other colleague Safwaan, the only other muslim guy in the team, was elated at this news. He had just gotten married and was really not willing to lose his source of income, nor his sanity. He explained to Zaheer how his new bride had stressed him out even more than the prospect of unemployment since she had been nagging him non stop ever since he told her.
“Really man” he told Zaheer. “I should have done what Lionel did and kept it a secret. She’s been on my case all the time. It’s not like I didn’t know all the consequences of losing my job, no instead she had to make it a point of nagging me about it every single day. I’m telling you, if I didn’t love her so much I’d seriously contemplate leaving until she promised to stop nagging. Aay, the things we do for love!”
Zaheer couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of joy. He felt as though he had achieved something, even though in reality he had done nothing at all. He got that feeling, the feeling one gets when they’ve completed a really tough exam and they know that it turned out better than expected. He was the unofficial team leader and so, in a way, he felt responsible for all of the guys. Seeing them so relieved made him relieved and knowing that his latest worry was over, gave him a true sense of joy.
That night he prayed his Esha salaah for a little longer than usual, thanking Allah for all of Allah’s favours and for giving him so much to be happy about.
There was just one thing, in his mind, that was always undone. He never truly imagined that he was over Zahraa. He hadn’t even questioned it. Ever since things with them had came to such an abrupt halt, there hadn’t been anybody else that he was interested in. Instead he had just focused on his career. The other day, when Sameer had spoken about Zahraa, Zaheer had felt such intense frustration that he knew for sure that his feelings for her did not manage to miraculously disappear. He had always assumed that his feelings fro Zahraa was linked to the nostalgic memory of high school and to the ‘high school’ emotions that he had once had. But now as he sat here, feeling at peace with everything in the world, he really wished that she was right here by his side, sharing the moment with him.
He knew then, though he had no solutions, that something needed to be done.
Chapter 8: Feelings
Haarith had called. He was interested. He had felt positive over his feelings for Zahraa and he was willing to meet again. Farida had informed them that she would tell her daughter and that she would contact them again. Now it was Zahraa’s turn. Her mother informed her about all that Haarith had said and how he was willing to meet again.
“So” Farida said to her. “What do you think? Do you think you like him or what? Do yout hink he could be a good match for you?”
“Im still unsure.” Zahraa replied. “I mean I read Istikhaara and made dua and stuff. I don’t feel super excited, yet I don’t feel negatvive about it either.”
“So what does that mean” Farida asked patiently.
“Well, I guess I have nothing to lose in meeting him again.” Zahraa replied. “He seems really nice and I was comfortable with him, so I think I’m willing to give it a second go. You can call them and let them know.”
A few hours later Zahraa was filling in Saaliha on all that she had missed. Saaliha and her husband had been gone away for a few weeks and, though Zahraa had discussed it with her on the phone, she was now telling her all about it in detail.
After Zahraa had completed, Saaliha asked her: “So what about Zaheer?”
Zahraa was taken by surprise: “What about Zaheer?” she replied.
“What’s going on there?” asked Saaliha.
Zahraa replied flatly: “Nothing’s going on there. He’s in the past. Why would you ask about him now?”
“Well”, Saaliha continued, proceeding with caution. “You talking about the proposal and for once it actually seems like it might actually work out and I was just wondering if you’re not still holding onto the hope of Zaheer? I mean, are you really actually over him?”
“I have to be over him” Zahraa replied, trying unsuccessfully to sound emotionless. “I have no other choice. Do I have some strange and wild dream that suddenly he’ll change his mind and come propose to me, well no- that would just be stupid!”
“But I mean, do you still like him? Saaliha asked
“I don’t know” replied Zahraa. “How can you tell?”
“Well I don’t know” replied Saaliha. “I guess you just know”
Zahraa thought about it for a moment before replying:
“Its strange because everything happened so suddenly. It was like one day we were professing our undying love, and the next day it was all just over. And so I took all those feelings and I stuffed it as far away as I could- at the very back of my heart and mind in a tight steel box. Its still there, I can feel it. Sometimes when I think about him and the past then I get the sense that that steel box is threatening to open. So you know what I do, I stop thinking about him. I push the box to the very back where it belongs for now.”
“For now?” Saaliha asked.
“Yes” Zahraa answered. “I suppose that one day when I’m happily married and completely over the past, then that steel box will somehow just disappear. Or one day when I hear that he’s happily married then it’s like I’ll know for sure that that steel box doesn’t belong to me anymore. I wouldn’t be able to keep it and so I guess that it’ll have to go.
I don’t know Saal, thats the only way I know how to describe what’s going on with me. Does it make any sense?”
“Yes” Saaliha replied. “It makes more sense then you realize. Besides, and I know that this may be hard to fathom now, but we all only end up with who we were meant to end up with. We don’t really have to worry about anything. Allah has plans for us all.”
It was only later that night that Zahraa logged on to check her emails. Much to her surprise she found, in her inbox, an email from Zaheer. She spent a few minutes contemplating whether to open it or not until her curiosity got the better of her. She read the email slowly:
“Assalamu Alaikum Zahraa. It’s been a long time hey. I’m not sure whether this email address even exists anymore so I guess I’m just hoping that this email gets delivered. I’ve been thinking alot about you lately and so I told myself that I had to email you to find out how you are. I’m sure you great, you’re always great. If you can, please get back to me. I’d really like to hear from you.”
Zahraa read it over again, contemplating what he meant by every word and every sentence. She stared at her screen for a long time, transfixed. In the end she moved the email to one of her other folders- out of sight, just like the locked steel box.
No comments:
Post a Comment