Chapter 12: The Conversation

“So how are you Zahraa?” he asked casually. His heart was racing at an unbelievable pace; he wondered if she could hear how his voice just trembled.

He could see that she was taken by surprise. 'She didn’t see me coming', he thought to himself.
Despite her surprise however she managed, as always, to maintain her composure. Gracefully she answered:

“I’m fine Zaheer, I’m doing well. How are you?”
“Well I’m good too.” He replied coolly.

For a short while they just looked at each other. Zaheer had no words to describe what he was feeling and he had no idea what to say to Zahraa. He wondered if she felt the same way.
Zahraa was the first to break the silence: “So what are you doing now?” she asked. “Where do you work?”

Somehow Zaheer was really not in the mood for chit chat, not with Zahraa anyway. Not wanting to seem rude, however, he answered: “Oh, just at some computer firm nearby. What about you? You’re still at the newspaper?”
“Yip” Zahraa replied.

Zaheer thought that it was strange. It was as if they had nothing to speak about, nothing to say to each other. He plucked up the courage and brought up the subject.

“So” he said to her. “I heard that you getting married. I don’t suppose I know the guy.”
“No” Zahraa replied softly, “he’s not from nearby.” Then as an afterthought she continued. “His name is Haarith and he’s sweet, but I’m not getting married to him. Not yet anyway; we’re still getting to know each other.”
Zaheer could sense her discomfort. He knew exactly how she felt since he felt the same way. Zahraa had always been so easy to talk to; they had always had a thousand things to say to each other. But now, sitting here, he just felt incredibly uncomfortable.
As a way of making conversation Zahraa continued to talk.
“What about you Zaheer?” she asked. “Are you getting married anytime soon?”
“No” he replied flatly.

And then, silence again.

That was it, Zaheer couldn’t take it anymore. He had imagined saying so many things to her. He had imagined telling her all he felt. But now, instead, all there was was silence. He was about to get up and make some excuse for having to leave, he suspected that Zahraa too would be relieved. But then suddenly a frightening thought struck him. What if this was it? What if this was how it all ended? Didn’t Zahraa just imply, minutes ago, that things between the guy and her were not yet confirmed? If he ever still had a chance, wasn’t it now?
But somehow he just couldn’t do it. Somehow his words failed him, his strength failed him, his courage failed him. He looked at Zahraa, fidgeting uncomfortably with her fingernails, and decided to just let go. What else could he do?

For a moment it seemed as if Zahraa actually looked at him pleadingly. As if she desperately wanted him to say something to her. But try as he may, Zaheer only manged to spurt out short and insignificant sentences.
“So I guess you’re enjoying the wedding.” He asked her.

Though his heart was silently breaking, though it ached to proudly affirm his love for her, his words somehow masked his pain as he continued making meaningless conversation.
“Well, it’s really beautiful.” Zahraa replied.
It seemed to him as if she was actually disappointed, though he couldn’t imagine why.
“So I take it you’re well then?” Zahraa asked. Her turn for mandatory banter.
“Im fine” was Zaheer’s short reply.

Zaheer sensed that Zahraa could no longer handle it, especially since he felt the same way. She rose to leave, making up some excuse about going to help inside with the dishes. Zaheer didn’t blame her. He would have left along time ago since sitting here was just pure torture; but it was a kind of torture that he didn’t want to end since he knew that the silence and the distance between them that would inevitably follow would undoubtedly be worse. So he sat there, hoping that this had all been different, but dreading when there would be nothing left at all.

Before she left, Zahraa stood close to him and said her parting words.
“I hope I’ll see you around soon Zaheer” she said kindly, though he knew that she didn’t really.
“Take care of yourself ok.”

Zaheer’s words failed him yet again. All he could mutter was: “Likewise.”

And then she left.

And then he was alone.